All Times Soon

Jesse is Home.

We shall meet soon again.” said Aslan. “Please Aslan”, said Lucy, “What do you call soon?”. “I call all times soon”, said Aslan. ~ The Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis

I can hang up the toilet roll holder you feared in your last days, the one you fell into during a seizure and begged me to remove. I can hang it up, now. You won’t be coming into this space anymore. I can take the rails off of the toilet. I can throw away your loofah. I can remove your transfer bench and your shower chair. I can box up your remaining clothing, throw out the very specific type of underwear your broken brain insisted you wear for the past 6 years.

I can leave the house and go into a restaurant to eat. I can schedule appointments and get to them. I can run the vacuum in the living room. I can wash dishes whenever they need washing. I can turn on the porch light. I can turn off the living room lights.

But I cannot kiss your face. I cannot hold your hand. I cannot hear you say my name. I cannot see the light in your eyes when your gaze meets mine. Our children, whom you love so greatly-who love you intensely in return, cannot hug you, cannot hear your voice reassuring them, cannot climb into your lap and rest in your strong embrace.

So here I will sit, in a ball, knees to chest, longing for the moment when we collide into each other’s presence again, someday soon, as Aslan says in the stories you so loved. All times soon, He says, because, in this vaporous life, all times really are soon.

We’ll see you soon, Jesse, sooner than it feels. Because someday soon is always coming.

All times soon, My Love. All times soon.

10 thoughts on “All Times Soon

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  1. Ashley, My heart is breaking for you & the kids but I am so grateful that he is finally at peace, resting in the arms of our Lord. Jesse was a suffering servant who praised the Lord unceasingly and we are all better off for having had him in our lives. Please know that I’m sending love & prayers your way. 🙏🏻❤️ Love, Aunt Marleen Sent from my iPhone



  2. Ashley and family;
    Y’all are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. We know Jesse is with Jesus but; we are still here and this is very difficult! You will see him again one day for sure. He has a néw body and it is perfect, no pain! God Bless y’all!


  3. He has run his race. He has done well and has been proven to be a good and faithful servant. He has weathered his storm and has been a beacon of light pointing to Christ. His faith and trust in God has strengthened my own. He looked through this present darkness and peered into the Glory of Heaven. He did not fear the unseen, but bravely and graciously accepted God’s path for his life. He can finally rest in the presence of His Lord and Savior. Some people live a lifetime without making a difference in this world; he made a world of difference in his lifetime. I will reference his faith, when mine falls short. I am proud of the man he became by allowing God to mold him. I will teach my sons about him as an example of a Godly man. I will hold his memory and family dear to my heart. I love you, Jesse.


  4. I am sad for you and the children to hear that Jesse is no longer with us but rejoicing that he has gone home to be with Jesus his Savior and Lord. He fought a good fight, finished the course. kept the faith and is gone to receive his crown of righteousness. And you will see him again soon. Love and God’s comfort, John and Sharon Calo

    On Fri, Aug 20, 2021, 6:29 PM Every Little Jot & Tittle wrote:

    > Ashley McMillan posted: ” Jesse is Home. We shall meet soon again.” said > Aslan. “Please Aslan”, said Lucy, “What do you call soon?”. “I call all > times soon”, said Aslan. ~ The Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis I can hang > up the toilet roll holder you feared in your last day” >


  5. Praying for you and your children. We lost our teenage son 15 years ago so I have some idea of your pain, but I do hesitate to say very much. The Lord is sufficient. He is good. You can trust Him. The Psalms are a comfort.


  6. His truly was a life well lived and you took care of him so well! You and your children have been very blessed in him through the Lord. I’ll let our pastor, Trent Henderson of Heritage Park Baptist Church in Webster, know. Marge


  7. Oh Ashley, and kids too, our hearts go out to you for the pain of loss, but also rejoicing that Jesse is now healed, no more seizures and in the presence of the One he loved so much. Praying continues for you all. Love you, Paul & Patty.


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