I forgot to turn the sound off of my phone last night, which is important information for you, because I woke up to a bright light and chiming noise beside me this morning. I reached over to the bedside table and tried to hit it to make it stop (this does not work, ps, because... Continue Reading →
“I am not okay! I AM NOT FREAKING OKAY!!”, he shouts with voice strained from guttural weeping, tapping hands on ears, curled into an upright fetal position, never losing his pace in his rocking. "I...I...I...I...don't...want...to...*gasp*...live...this...way...any...more. Why?..Why won't He?...Why won't He...take...me home?…He wants…me…here…His story, right? His story, babe…” If ever you find yourself wondering why the... Continue Reading →
I haven't rested well the past few nights for the wondering. Benign phrases to the general population cut into my core like a knife dipped in acid, causing the seething, searing, nerve-disintegrating pain that comes with an awakening of awareness. I'm disabled. Did you know that? A lot of people who find themselves on this... Continue Reading →
This day. It's a weird one for me. It's a day that marks the beginning of walking alongside the bright light of joy for us we named Abram, and the beginning of walking in the shadowy place that is coming home with cancer in tow. All Abe really wanted last year for his birthday was... Continue Reading →
It's been a year now. One year since I woke up on a Sunday morning and took the kids to church so Jesse could sleep off a stomach bug. One year since I stepped off of the stage at church and knew I needed to get home as quickly as I could. One year since... Continue Reading →
Loss. It's so hard. We've lost everything we've owned before. It's shocking. Numbing. A devastation that makes you feel like that dream of walking naked into school as a kid is your new reality. The vulnerability that comes with needing so much help, so much care, so much attention. I remember sitting in the wrecked... Continue Reading →
Let me tell you all a little story: When Jesse and I were in college, we had apartments just a few yards from one another. This led to the brilliant and cost-efficient method of living in which Jesse bought the food, and I cooked it. After a time, he moved apartments to one on an... Continue Reading →
“Scans look good!”, she said as she took her seat in the conference room where we meet every two months. Three little words took the weight out of the air and put the breath back into my lungs. Scan days are hard days. "Scanxiety", I’ve heard it called. It’s a real thing among the... Continue Reading →
Jesse preached (Can we just take a minute to ponder the fact that he can PREACH, guys?! Such a miracle!) on Joshua 1:1-9 this past Sunday. This has been a significant passage of scripture to us, especially as Jesse has wrestled with anxiety and fear brought on by the frequent medication adjustments and the trauma to... Continue Reading →
I sat in the back of a darkened sanctuary this morning for the Celebration of Life service for a young mom I never had the privilege of meeting. A dear friend lost her sister-in-law, Christina, to stage 4 colon cancer a few days ago. She was 33. She left behind a husband, two very young... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 