Celebration of Life for Jesse

September 6, 2021:~on the 6 year anniversary of the day I first heard the words, “Your husband has brain cancer.”~almost to the hour of when this part of our story began~we will gather at the cross Jesse loved~on the church property he oft tread; and,~as the sun sets~we will worship the good Lord Jesse served... Continue Reading →

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All Times Soon

Jesse is Home. We shall meet soon again.” said Aslan. “Please Aslan”, said Lucy, “What do you call soon?”. “I call all times soon”, said Aslan. ~ The Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis I can hang up the toilet roll holder you feared in your last days, the one you fell into during a... Continue Reading →

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Please be careful with your words

I don’t know what the inner space of your mind looks like, but mine is full of shelves, each holding file boxes full of memories. Two nights ago, I went to taking box lids off and flipping through the folders, searching for a moment when I was a 24 year old mother of two young... Continue Reading →

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It is not good, but it is well

Several years (and a battery of tests that nearly killed me) ago, I was diagnosed with a string of autonomic nervous system disorders. After months of attempting to regulate my heart rate and blood pressure with medications, which resulted in more near death experiences of allergic reactions and other side effects, my cardiologist recommended I,... Continue Reading →

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I know how the quiet screams

“I can’t breathe”, he gasps beside me in bed. “Can I? Am I breathing? Ashley, I’m okay? I’m...I’m not breathing. Why can’t I breathe? I can’t breathe.” The sharp intake of air is what woke me. I strained my eyes in the dark to see the outline of his chest, full of held air. “BREATHE.”,... Continue Reading →

About all of that seizure testing we did…

I woke you up two nights ago, accidentally. I tripped in the darkness coming out of the bathtub and into the door frame. You startled and your body went rigid with seizure, caused by abrupt awake-ness from the dream taunting you into unrest. Your eyes opened unnaturally wide, your right pupil hyper-dilated, encompassing the blue... Continue Reading →

Before brain cancer stole him away

He was dying the day a butterfly alighted on his shoulder and stayed for several minutes. He was dying as he twirled his small daughter around on the dance floor during the reception of a beloved unbiological sister (a term my family uses to describe two of our siblings the good Lord gave us through... Continue Reading →

Four Years of Brain Cancer

I am not what some would call, an ambitious person. The things I have done in this life I have done simply because they were the next thing which presented itself to me that needed doing. I am ambling about, sometimes forward, often pausing to look left and right until I am dizzy, when I... Continue Reading →

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