I am not what some would call, an ambitious person. The things I have done in this life I have done simply because they were the next thing which presented itself to me that needed doing. I am ambling about, sometimes forward, often pausing to look left and right until I am dizzy, when I... Continue Reading →
“Daddy?”, she whispered from her place of refuge between him and me in the bed, “Will you hold my hand?” The familiar rustling of his weighted blanket moving. Her contented sigh as his hand enveloped her own. Lightning flashed again, bright blue illuminating their faces for a moment before the darkness returned and thunder shook... Continue Reading →
I whispered into the stillness of his slumber, “I wanted to grow old with you.”, as hot liquid poured down my cheeks. Blazing liquid sorrow. You'd think the tears would run cold by now. They do not. The pain of loss to come digs deeper in as the time goes on with him living dying.... Continue Reading →
I snapped this picture moments after Jesse sat upright in the ER and scooted to the end of the bed in an attempt to stand, feisty from the medications he was given to stop the seizures. I stared at it awhile, perplexed by the vibrant colors of the photograph. That’s when I realized it’s a... Continue Reading →
I took his battered hand in mine as we walked from hospital to parking garage this afternoon. He’s unsteady on his feet. Still heavily medicated. Staying on high doses of nausea meds from a stomach that hasn’t balanced out from the trauma of two days ago. But he’s gaining ground. He’s regained his dexterity, playing... Continue Reading →
I walked into the laundry room this morning with a Walmart bag of Jesse’s sweat drenched, vomit covered clothing to give them a thorough washing. I remember seeing a ragged edge on his shirt when I scooped it from the hospital floor last night and shoved it into the crinkly plastic. As I pulled the... Continue Reading →
For those of you who follow our story on social media, the next few blog posts will be things you have likely already seen on facebook or instagram. I realize that many of you only follow our story through this blog, though, and want to give everyone the most up-to-date information on Jesse. I... Continue Reading →
Three times…more than that…I pleaded with the Lord, “Take this from us. Heal him, God. What good is he to your kingdom, dead? What love is this, making children fatherless?” And He answered with a tiny flower growing out of thorns in the middle of my wilderness as I watched a dying father guide his children down a steep path. "My grace is sufficient-enough-abundant, for you.”
We drove through the storm late last night-me behind the wheel, my Abram in the back seat, delirious with fever, vomiting uncontrollably into the bright blue emesis bag I purchased in bulk when Jesse underwent chemo and radiation-our tires steadily kicking water out beside us as we barreled down the massive 11 lane highway we... Continue Reading →
No one can really know what a life is like unless they are living it. I try to convey hard moments in this writing place, attempt to communicate facets of all of this with clarity and truth and a kind of vulnerability I am resistant in nature to display. Christ’s work in me, these words... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 