What we do and don’t know

 I took his battered hand in mine as we walked from hospital to parking garage this afternoon. He’s unsteady on his feet. Still heavily medicated. Staying on high doses of nausea meds from a stomach that hasn’t balanced out from the trauma of two days ago. But he’s gaining ground. He’s regained his dexterity, playing... Continue Reading →

The shredded remains

I walked into the laundry room this morning with a Walmart bag of Jesse’s sweat drenched, vomit covered clothing to give them a thorough washing. I remember seeing a ragged edge on his shirt when I scooped it from the hospital floor last night and shoved it into the crinkly plastic. As I pulled the... Continue Reading →

What a week…

  For those of you who follow our story on social media, the next few blog posts will be things you have likely already seen on facebook or instagram. I realize that many of you only follow our story through this blog, though, and want to give everyone the most up-to-date information on Jesse. I... Continue Reading →

The Thorns in Our Flesh: how living unhealed has taught us to live hopeful

Three times…more than that…I pleaded with the Lord, “Take this from us. Heal him, God. What good is he to your kingdom, dead? What love is this, making children fatherless?” And He answered with a tiny flower growing out of thorns in the middle of my wilderness as I watched a dying father guide his children down a steep path. "My grace is sufficient-enough-abundant, for you.”

3 seconds of brave

We drove through the storm late last night-me behind the wheel, my Abram in the back seat, delirious with fever, vomiting uncontrollably into the bright blue emesis bag I purchased in bulk when Jesse underwent chemo and radiation-our tires steadily kicking water out beside us as we barreled down the massive 11 lane highway we... Continue Reading →

How are we, really?

No one can really know what a life is like unless they are living it. I try to convey hard moments in this writing place, attempt to communicate facets of all of this with clarity and truth and a kind of vulnerability I am resistant in nature to display. Christ’s work in me, these words... Continue Reading →

Returned to me

It’s been a good long while since we’ve sat peacefully in the living room after Jesse’s 8pm seizure meds, everyone laughing together, talking in the way people who are comfortable with one another do on a cool fall evening. It feels peculiar and delightful, like when you get a surprise package in the mail from... Continue Reading →

Hemmed in

When our third born was a much littler guy, he hated being held as much as he craved the safety of being in our arms. He would beg to be scooped up off of the ground, only to beg to be put down as soon as he felt the restraining squeeze of arms which he... Continue Reading →

You’re just human

I opened the door, took a step in, and the weight of it all pressed the breath from my lungs. Maybe it was because it's September, a month that represents the beginning of an always shape-shifting life, or maybe it was because my connecting flight left without me and I had been awake for 27... Continue Reading →

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