Hemmed in

When our third born was a much littler guy, he hated being held as much as he craved the safety of being in our arms. He would beg to be scooped up off of the ground, only to beg to be put down as soon as he felt the restraining squeeze of arms which he... Continue Reading →

You’re just human

I opened the door, took a step in, and the weight of it all pressed the breath from my lungs. Maybe it was because it's September, a month that represents the beginning of an always shape-shifting life, or maybe it was because my connecting flight left without me and I had been awake for 27... Continue Reading →

Stay here and keep watch with me

Jesse asked me how I slept, so I told him: “I had the most awful dream. It was one of those terribly real ones full of nothing out of the ordinary, until the moment at which you were suddenly very ill with brain cancer. Like I always do when a bad dream happens, I forced... Continue Reading →

Chasing the bright spots

I'll make this brief-ish because this has been the Monday of all Mondays, and we are in desperate need of a good meal and a long sleep. We learned on Friday that insurance had denied Jesse's surgery. We began the fight with them then, which has continued onward today. It's complex (and actually pretty boring),... Continue Reading →

Let me be singing

One of my most fervent prayers through all of this brain cancer madness has been pretty simple. “Let me be singing, Lord. No matter what comes, just let me be singing.” This is probably odd to most people, especially if you didn’t grow up with a never ending flow of humming and tapping and rhythm... Continue Reading →

Tattered

I was getting ready to post the above photo on Instagram, citing our third born’s quirky attachment to his shoes long after the soles have worn through so much that his feet touch the ground as he walks. But the more I stared at the photo, the more his dirty toes sticking out from tattered... Continue Reading →

This is more than I can bear

In the stillness of early morning, with darkness still overwhelming the room, I awakened from a shallow doze in a fit of coughing and sat up, bleary eyes focusing on the thin stream of golden light gently permeating the space between our bathroom door and the floor. A shadow moved across the dim brightness, the... Continue Reading →

This is not the end

Today marks the day two years ago that the sun set on Jesse's old self, and he awakened in the wee hours of the 4th knowing everything was different. Lots of things are still being rebuilt, restructured, reorganized in our home. Two years is a long while, I guess, though if you asked my heart,... Continue Reading →

Nothing-er than Nothing

I follow a girl on Instagram who is a rare glimpse of reality in a medium often infiltrated by carefully curated “honesty”. She lost her husband to cancer a little over a year ago now. Several weeks ago, she posted a picture from his last days. Days when she was always near him, afraid to... Continue Reading →

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑