Author: Ashley McMillan

I love Jesus and family and foods that are brown. I drink my coffee black and eat my bread slathered in butter. I think lots of thoughts and write some of them down. Jesse (the hubs) started this blog for me, insisting that I needed a space to put some of my ramblings out into the world. I laughed a thousand introverted laughs of awkwardness, and decided to just let it be. And then came September of 2015. Jesse was home with our 4 little humans, and I was in Shreveport with my sis writing out lesson plans for said little humans, when the texts started coming in from our oldest boys. "Mommy, are you coming home today?" "Mommy, daddy is sick." "He hasn't been out of bed in two days...yes, ma'am, he wakes up when we ask him questions…are you bringing us supper? We're out of food." It took 5 hours to get home. I stopped at the grocery store to pick up ingredients for spaghetti on my way in, walked through the door, and started cooking immediately. It's a simple meal I still can't cook without having a panic attack, even all these months later. I gave Jesse nausea meds, helped him sip water, and let him sleep through the night uninterrupted. The next morning, I took the kids to church; and then, as I stepped off of the stage that morning, I knew…somehow...that he did not have a stomach bug...and I needed to get home. Right away. A few hours in an emergency room later, and I was suddenly the wife of a man battling brain cancer. That was 2015. More than a year later, and I have experienced with increasing persistence, the grace and hope of God in the midst of suffering that lingers with no end in sight. And dearest, can I just tell you something that I have learned in the middle of all this madness? God is good. He is. He is always good. He knows what He is doing, even when we may feel like life is shattering into a thousand mangled, irregular bits. He knows how each piece fits together, and He is tediously laying the path beneath our feet in the way He knows is best for each of us. My name is Ashley. I was born "disabled", with only a nub on my right arm. My husband is a pastor battling brain cancer. We have 4 kids, gobs of family, and the best support system of friends you can imagine. Our lives are full of the kinds of nuances most only experience through books and movies (and random blogs on the interwebs😉), and we are grateful to the Lord for the breath He gives us each day. Welcome to our chaos, dear reader! I hope you find hope and solidarity here.