This is more than I can bear

In the stillness of early morning, with darkness still overwhelming the room, I awakened from a shallow doze in a fit of coughing and sat up, bleary eyes focusing on the thin stream of golden light gently permeating the space between our bathroom door and the floor. A shadow moved across the dim brightness, the... Continue Reading →

Nothing-er than Nothing

I follow a girl on Instagram who is a rare glimpse of reality in a medium often infiltrated by carefully curated “honesty”. She lost her husband to cancer a little over a year ago now. Several weeks ago, she posted a picture from his last days. Days when she was always near him, afraid to... Continue Reading →

The uncomfortable grace of suffering

I could hear the underlying despair in the higher than normal pitch of his voice. "I can't believe it's been so many months. It's been long, but also short." Another friend in the cancer fight alongside his beloved. Time that passes simultaneously quickly and slowly is a side effect of cancer. It is grueling days... Continue Reading →

Home again

I am sitting in my own living room, family members piled onto sofas around me, Jesse sitting across from me and beside our youngest son. We arrived home less than 24 hours after his surgery was completed. Let that sink in a minute, y'all. Yesterday, he was sedated while skilled doctors tediously worked on his... Continue Reading →

Surgery Three Updates

We've been playing around with different update options, and we think this is still the best option for our friends who follow our story through the blog. So, here is how this will work... There will only be this one link for the duration of the day. For my email friends, that means you will... Continue Reading →

He will be good

Jesse is having brain surgery tomorrow. Again. This will be the third time someone has accessed and manipulated the fragile contents of his skull. I wish I could tell you that we’ve developed some sort of immunity to the fear and anxiety that accompanies these procedures, having done it twice before, but we haven’t. Sleep... Continue Reading →

No Less Days

I've prayed a thousand prayers of unintended self in my life. My desire to be free from pain and hurt-to be free from oppression, from judgement, from suffering- has often trumped my desire to be in the will of God. Surely, if the Lord really loved me as He says He does, then He wouldn't... Continue Reading →

Shadowy Places

I don't sleep well at night. I never have, really. I am intimately acquainted with the dark part of the morning because of this, the part where sleep won't come and there is nothing but me and my thoughts and the seemingly endless impenetrable blackness of nightfall. The part where half the world is midway... Continue Reading →

Pennies

For months now, I’ve been searching for a word or phrase or image that could be hung above the door frame in our bedroom over the spot where Jesse says he opened his eyes to find everything was different all those months ago, something to replace a symbol of fear with a reminder of Hope. ... Continue Reading →

Chemo for Christmas

The contrast of the peppy chirping out of the words to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland” through the speakers above me and the guttural, barely audible groaning of my momentarily atrophied spirit were so absurd it grew comical in my mind. My face felt detached from my thoughts and my expression must have reflected the... Continue Reading →

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