The contrast of the peppy chirping out of the words to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland” through the speakers above me and the guttural, barely audible groaning of my momentarily atrophied spirit were so absurd it grew comical in my mind. My face felt detached from my thoughts and my expression must have reflected the... Continue Reading →
I forgot to turn the sound off of my phone last night, which is important information for you, because I woke up to a bright light and chiming noise beside me this morning. I reached over to the bedside table and tried to hit it to make it stop (this does not work, ps, because... Continue Reading →
“I am not okay! I AM NOT FREAKING OKAY!!”, he shouts with voice strained from guttural weeping, tapping hands on ears, curled into an upright fetal position, never losing his pace in his rocking. "I...I...I...I...don't...want...to...*gasp*...live...this...way...any...more. Why?..Why won't He?...Why won't He...take...me home?…He wants…me…here…His story, right? His story, babe…” If ever you find yourself wondering why the... Continue Reading →
This day. It's a weird one for me. It's a day that marks the beginning of walking alongside the bright light of joy for us we named Abram, and the beginning of walking in the shadowy place that is coming home with cancer in tow. All Abe really wanted last year for his birthday was... Continue Reading →
It's been a year now. One year since I woke up on a Sunday morning and took the kids to church so Jesse could sleep off a stomach bug. One year since I stepped off of the stage at church and knew I needed to get home as quickly as I could. One year since... Continue Reading →
“Scans look good!”, she said as she took her seat in the conference room where we meet every two months. Three little words took the weight out of the air and put the breath back into my lungs. Scan days are hard days. "Scanxiety", I’ve heard it called. It’s a real thing among the... Continue Reading →
Jesse preached (Can we just take a minute to ponder the fact that he can PREACH, guys?! Such a miracle!) on Joshua 1:1-9 this past Sunday. This has been a significant passage of scripture to us, especially as Jesse has wrestled with anxiety and fear brought on by the frequent medication adjustments and the trauma to... Continue Reading →
In the first few hours in the cold ER next to my suddenly-on-his-deathbed-34 year old-husband, I made no definitive plans...except one. If he didn't make it to June 19, no matter where we were at the time, I would load up our 4 children and make our way to the nearest BJ's Restaurant I could... Continue Reading →
I played in the rain with our children today. It’s been pouring for weeks, bringing rapidly rising flood waters with it every few days. The kids have been mostly quarantined inside. So today, when the sky turned dark and the clouds opened up without the presence of thunder and lightning, I ushered them outside to... Continue Reading →
I was 16. The sun hung bright and felt impossibly near with its heat. The ground appeared to waver, distorting from steam whipping up off of scorched earth. I sat on the edge of the bed of a stranger's red truck (Where I grew up, if a truck bed was opened at a gathering, it... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 