I woke you up two nights ago, accidentally. I tripped in the darkness coming out of the bathtub and into the door frame. You startled and your body went rigid with seizure, caused by abrupt awake-ness from the dream taunting you into unrest. Your eyes opened unnaturally wide, your right pupil hyper-dilated, encompassing the blue... Continue Reading →
He brought it to me, tangled up in a pile of other discarded clothing. I saw the sleeve peeking out from beneath an outgrown child’s shirt, the happy, bright orchid standing out in contrast to the white and grey surrounding it. My soul choked on a memory I thought I had discarded alongside the purple... Continue Reading →
“Daddy?”, she whispered from her place of refuge between him and me in the bed, “Will you hold my hand?” The familiar rustling of his weighted blanket moving. Her contented sigh as his hand enveloped her own. Lightning flashed again, bright blue illuminating their faces for a moment before the darkness returned and thunder shook... Continue Reading →
I whispered into the stillness of his slumber, “I wanted to grow old with you.”, as hot liquid poured down my cheeks. Blazing liquid sorrow. You'd think the tears would run cold by now. They do not. The pain of loss to come digs deeper in as the time goes on with him living dying.... Continue Reading →
I snapped this picture moments after Jesse sat upright in the ER and scooted to the end of the bed in an attempt to stand, feisty from the medications he was given to stop the seizures. I stared at it awhile, perplexed by the vibrant colors of the photograph. That’s when I realized it’s a... Continue Reading →
I took his battered hand in mine as we walked from hospital to parking garage this afternoon. He’s unsteady on his feet. Still heavily medicated. Staying on high doses of nausea meds from a stomach that hasn’t balanced out from the trauma of two days ago. But he’s gaining ground. He’s regained his dexterity, playing... Continue Reading →
I walked into the laundry room this morning with a Walmart bag of Jesse’s sweat drenched, vomit covered clothing to give them a thorough washing. I remember seeing a ragged edge on his shirt when I scooped it from the hospital floor last night and shoved it into the crinkly plastic. As I pulled the... Continue Reading →
For those of you who follow our story on social media, the next few blog posts will be things you have likely already seen on facebook or instagram. I realize that many of you only follow our story through this blog, though, and want to give everyone the most up-to-date information on Jesse. I... Continue Reading →
No one can really know what a life is like unless they are living it. I try to convey hard moments in this writing place, attempt to communicate facets of all of this with clarity and truth and a kind of vulnerability I am resistant in nature to display. Christ’s work in me, these words... Continue Reading →
It’s been a good long while since we’ve sat peacefully in the living room after Jesse’s 8pm seizure meds, everyone laughing together, talking in the way people who are comfortable with one another do on a cool fall evening. It feels peculiar and delightful, like when you get a surprise package in the mail from... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 