Let me be singing

One of my most fervent prayers through all of this brain cancer madness has been pretty simple. “Let me be singing, Lord. No matter what comes, just let me be singing.” This is probably odd to most people, especially if you didn’t grow up with a never ending flow of humming and tapping and rhythm... Continue Reading →

This is more than I can bear

In the stillness of early morning, with darkness still overwhelming the room, I awakened from a shallow doze in a fit of coughing and sat up, bleary eyes focusing on the thin stream of golden light gently permeating the space between our bathroom door and the floor. A shadow moved across the dim brightness, the... Continue Reading →

Nothing-er than Nothing

I follow a girl on Instagram who is a rare glimpse of reality in a medium often infiltrated by carefully curated “honesty”. She lost her husband to cancer a little over a year ago now. Several weeks ago, she posted a picture from his last days. Days when she was always near him, afraid to... Continue Reading →

The uncomfortable grace of suffering

I could hear the underlying despair in the higher than normal pitch of his voice. "I can't believe it's been so many months. It's been long, but also short." Another friend in the cancer fight alongside his beloved. Time that passes simultaneously quickly and slowly is a side effect of cancer. It is grueling days... Continue Reading →

And so it is

“I am not okay! I AM NOT FREAKING OKAY!!”, he shouts with voice strained from guttural weeping, tapping hands on ears, curled into an upright fetal position, never losing his pace in his rocking. "I...I...I...I...don't...want...to...*gasp*...live...this...way...any...more. Why?..Why won't He?...Why won't He...take...me home?…He wants…me…here…His story, right? His story, babe…” If ever you find yourself wondering why the... Continue Reading →

One Year

It's been a year now. One year since I woke up on a Sunday morning and took the kids to church so Jesse could sleep off a stomach bug. One year since I stepped off of the stage at church and knew I needed to get home as quickly as I could. One year since... Continue Reading →

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