Before brain cancer stole him away

He was dying the day a butterfly alighted on his shoulder and stayed for several minutes. He was dying as he twirled his small daughter around on the dance floor during the reception of a beloved unbiological sister (a term my family uses to describe two of our siblings the good Lord gave us through... Continue Reading →

The Thorns in Our Flesh: how living unhealed has taught us to live hopeful

Three times…more than that…I pleaded with the Lord, “Take this from us. Heal him, God. What good is he to your kingdom, dead? What love is this, making children fatherless?” And He answered with a tiny flower growing out of thorns in the middle of my wilderness as I watched a dying father guide his children down a steep path. "My grace is sufficient-enough-abundant, for you.”

This is more than I can bear

In the stillness of early morning, with darkness still overwhelming the room, I awakened from a shallow doze in a fit of coughing and sat up, bleary eyes focusing on the thin stream of golden light gently permeating the space between our bathroom door and the floor. A shadow moved across the dim brightness, the... Continue Reading →

Nothing-er than Nothing

I follow a girl on Instagram who is a rare glimpse of reality in a medium often infiltrated by carefully curated “honesty”. She lost her husband to cancer a little over a year ago now. Several weeks ago, she posted a picture from his last days. Days when she was always near him, afraid to... Continue Reading →

The uncomfortable grace of suffering

I could hear the underlying despair in the higher than normal pitch of his voice. "I can't believe it's been so many months. It's been long, but also short." Another friend in the cancer fight alongside his beloved. Time that passes simultaneously quickly and slowly is a side effect of cancer. It is grueling days... Continue Reading →

And so it is

“I am not okay! I AM NOT FREAKING OKAY!!”, he shouts with voice strained from guttural weeping, tapping hands on ears, curled into an upright fetal position, never losing his pace in his rocking. "I...I...I...I...don't...want...to...*gasp*...live...this...way...any...more. Why?..Why won't He?...Why won't He...take...me home?…He wants…me…here…His story, right? His story, babe…” If ever you find yourself wondering why the... Continue Reading →

One Year

It's been a year now. One year since I woke up on a Sunday morning and took the kids to church so Jesse could sleep off a stomach bug. One year since I stepped off of the stage at church and knew I needed to get home as quickly as I could. One year since... Continue Reading →

All It Really Costs is Nothing

I sat in the back of a darkened sanctuary this morning for the Celebration of Life service for a young mom I never had the privilege of meeting. A dear friend lost her sister-in-law, Christina, to stage 4 colon cancer a few days ago. She was 33. She left behind a husband, two very young... Continue Reading →

The 9th Cup

In the first few hours in the cold ER next to my suddenly-on-his-deathbed-34 year old-husband, I made no definitive plans...except one. If he didn't make it to June 19, no matter where we were at the time, I would load up our 4 children and make our way to the nearest BJ's Restaurant I could... Continue Reading →

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑