September 6, 2021:~on the 6 year anniversary of the day I first heard the words, “Your husband has brain cancer.”~almost to the hour of when this part of our story began~we will gather at the cross Jesse loved~on the church property he oft tread; and,~as the sun sets~we will worship the good Lord Jesse served... Continue Reading →
Jesse is Home. We shall meet soon again.” said Aslan. “Please Aslan”, said Lucy, “What do you call soon?”. “I call all times soon”, said Aslan. ~ The Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis I can hang up the toilet roll holder you feared in your last days, the one you fell into during a... Continue Reading →
“I can’t breathe”, he gasps beside me in bed. “Can I? Am I breathing? Ashley, I’m okay? I’m...I’m not breathing. Why can’t I breathe? I can’t breathe.” The sharp intake of air is what woke me. I strained my eyes in the dark to see the outline of his chest, full of held air. “BREATHE.”,... Continue Reading →
You know, it’s funny, I could not have imagined I would still have any new words left about all of this at this point, but they still keep pouring forth, though I know the theme is the same: Jesse is dying. Our kids are yearning for something we cannot give them. I am increasingly shattered... Continue Reading →
I am not what some would call, an ambitious person. The things I have done in this life I have done simply because they were the next thing which presented itself to me that needed doing. I am ambling about, sometimes forward, often pausing to look left and right until I am dizzy, when I... Continue Reading →
I snapped this picture moments after Jesse sat upright in the ER and scooted to the end of the bed in an attempt to stand, feisty from the medications he was given to stop the seizures. I stared at it awhile, perplexed by the vibrant colors of the photograph. That’s when I realized it’s a... Continue Reading →
I took his battered hand in mine as we walked from hospital to parking garage this afternoon. He’s unsteady on his feet. Still heavily medicated. Staying on high doses of nausea meds from a stomach that hasn’t balanced out from the trauma of two days ago. But he’s gaining ground. He’s regained his dexterity, playing... Continue Reading →
I walked into the laundry room this morning with a Walmart bag of Jesse’s sweat drenched, vomit covered clothing to give them a thorough washing. I remember seeing a ragged edge on his shirt when I scooped it from the hospital floor last night and shoved it into the crinkly plastic. As I pulled the... Continue Reading →
For those of you who follow our story on social media, the next few blog posts will be things you have likely already seen on facebook or instagram. I realize that many of you only follow our story through this blog, though, and want to give everyone the most up-to-date information on Jesse. I... Continue Reading →
I opened the door, took a step in, and the weight of it all pressed the breath from my lungs. Maybe it was because it's September, a month that represents the beginning of an always shape-shifting life, or maybe it was because my connecting flight left without me and I had been awake for 27... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 