Jesse takes photos of the sunrise nearly every morning now. He wakes up each day, gets dressed, and goes to a quiet space to pray and watch the light break over the horizon. It shows itself in brilliant strands of orange and red and pink and yellow. It illuminates the darkened sky, overwhelming the blackness... Continue Reading →
"I'm still here. I'm still here, Ash.", he whispered over me, broken and weeping wrapped up in his arms, overwhelmed at the thought of what's to come. Jesse and I have known each other since we were children. I moved to his hometown at 9 years old. We started dating in high school. We've been integrated... Continue Reading →
Like so many other aspects of life, we're finding this part to be as unpredictable as the rest. Surgery has been pushed back 10 days. 10 more days of waiting. September 25th. Blech. I want to throw up. This is hard, you guys. Because he's stable, but he's critical. He's free to wander around and live... Continue Reading →
We spent a few hours at the zoo yesterday, walking around in the sunshine, looking at animals, watching the kids run around all over the place. It was a beautiful day, but it was a hard one too. At some point, I had the startling realization that I was "that" person. . .the one you... Continue Reading →
We sat at a piano in the lobby of the hotel this morning where we are currently staying while awaiting surgery, and Jesse led us to the throne of grace in worship. He struggles to speak sometimes. He struggles to read, too. Last night, he read this blog unassisted for the first time since... Continue Reading →
I used to worry about cancer in the darkness and quietness of night. Hearing the word itself was enough to send my thoughts whirling in the direction of a thousand unknowns. Now, walking alongside it, it's more like we're holding hands and walking cautiously through a thick forest trying to find its home and mine... Continue Reading →
In Jesse's own words: "I think if God took this tumor quickly, I'd be sad...I don't want him to take this tumor if it's better to have it...I think He wants me to have it, to walk this road...I want my four kids to know that you follow God no matter what. That if you... Continue Reading →
I'm feeling a bit speechless this morning. A unique numbness of sorts. We've been able to sleep a good bit today after being moved from the ICU to a regular floor just for neurology patients. There are less monitors and less interruptions in this room, and we have a door so we can shut off... Continue Reading →
People keep telling me how strong I am. "Strong?", I think. "Me? Strong? No way."A war rages within my soul 100% of the time. I've barely slept, barely eaten, barely left his side. I'm so overwhelmed in every moment. I'm afraid to hope for healing, because I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it... Continue Reading →
A steady stream of doctors and nurses keep coming in and asking him basic questions. "Can you tell me your name?" "2-13-81" "Ok, sir, but can you tell me your name?" "My name?" He rolls his head and fixes his gaze on mine: "What are they asking me?" "They want your name, babe. What is your... Continue Reading →
Every Little Jot & Tittle 