In Jesse’s own words:
“I think if God took this tumor quickly, I’d be sad…I don’t want him to take this tumor if it’s better to have it…I think He wants me to have it, to walk this road…I want my four kids to know that you follow God no matter what. That if you got to choose, you would choose this because it’s better.”
Sad. He’d be sad if God miraculously took his tumor in an instant. Don’t get him wrong, he still wants healing, he just sees the beauty and the grace and the purpose of the process. Think of it like church camp. Everyone is all in a tizzy right now, reeling with shock, desperate for a miracle. And if God zapped away his tumor in an instant, everyone would be shouting out how amazing and powerful He is like children who have been hyped up through a week of experiences catered to helping them grow in Christ…but they’d still come back to their own lives, their own worries, their own myriad of distracting things to do. You know, life.
Eventually, the emotional excitement over the miraculous thing that happened is forgotten. It fades away, and we all go back to focusing on our own world, our own self.
So while God’s miraculous healing is still just that…miraculous…we have a tendency to believe in it only when we feel His goodness in it through one temporary, exciting moment.
That’s what Jesse means when he says he would be sad if the healing comes in a moment. Because the longer you experience something, the longer you fight for it, the harder you have to work to daily surrender yourself to His will and remember His goodness and grace in every moment and trust that He is still near…the longer you do these things, the deeper they are solidified into your very being.
We serve the kind of God who takes a tumor and turns it from a burden to a grace. We’re still praying for miraculous healing that can only be explained by the workings of God. We are seeing improvements with steroids that make no sense to the doctors. God has given us some of the top neurosurgeons in the world to walk with us through this journey. Types of surgery that were initially deemed undoable are now what we are pacing toward. God is faithful. Whether miraculous healing comes swiftly or slowly, on earth or through death; it will come. Healing comes to His children. God is still on His throne. Will you worship Him with us? He is so worthy of your surrender.
Every Little Jot & Tittle 
So hard and so well put,Ashley. Yes, God is Faithful and Blessed be His Name. We continue to pray and think of you all often.
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Still Praying for you’ll. I am learning so much from you and Jesse.
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The day I quit fighting God… The day I finally said “I turn my future over to you, good or bad.” That’s the day I finally felt the peace of God overwhelm me, and I began to believe that I might be healed.
As you said in your previous blog post I was afraid to pray for anything just in case God didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted him to. What would that mean in regards to my faith or in regards to God’s power? Somewhere along the way, I realized that only by completely trusting God with my future – no matter what the outcome – would I ever find peace and contentment. And that the healing I longed for was no longer as important as trusting that God who longed for me.
My thoughts, my very own thoughts, where my biggest enemy. I imagined my thoughts as POWS that had to fall in line with The Commander.
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Standing in the gap!
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Grace upon grace. Continuing to pray. Love you guys.
Patty and Paul
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Ashley please get my number from Jesse. I have some things I would like to send you guys if I may.
Ashley, when I was 15 my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I walked a similar road for 7 years with her. I would really like to talk to you if I may. Praying for you guys.
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Because the longer you experience something, the longer you fight for it, the harder you have to work to daily surrender yourself to His will and remember His goodness and grace in every moment and trust that He is still near…the longer you do these things, the deeper they are solidified into your very being.”
Ashley, this gives me hope. God has been working with me to go deeper in my relationship with Him. I got a few things out of this statement- celebrate the little victories. It’s those places where God is tangibly faithful. View the miracles as faithfulness! The longer it goes, the deeper it goes. No less near, always closer.
Praying for your family. Thank you for being open about your journey.
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