Carousel Ride

We spent a few hours at the zoo yesterday, walking around in the sunshine, looking at animals, watching the kids run around all over the place. It was a beautiful day, but it was a hard one too. At some point, I had the startling realization that I was “that” person. . .the one you see in public sometimes who looks distinctly lost with hollowed out eyes that are looking out into some other world. . .that was me yesterday. It’s like I no longer belong in the outside world. I belong here. In this hotel attached to this hospital. With my husband. Who has a brain tumor. I’m the wife of a sick man. Encountering people is now weighty. Those simple questions we all ask one another when we’re out and about, that flippant “How are you?”. . .I don’t even know how to answer that question anymore. Because I’m okay, I really am. . .but I’m also not okay.

We rode the carousel with the kids yesterday. They let us go around twice because of our “circumstances”. We were riding around and around and around; and I kept thinking about how at home I felt in that moment, spinning rapidly along in a circle, the world moving steadily around us. It’s the only time in the entire day anything felt right to me. We’re riding a carousel in the middle of a lazy day at the zoo every day of our lives right now. We’re living a different life than we were before. As a family, we fall into a category that most do not. Our kids no longer just have a dad, they have a sick dad. And we don’t even know the depths of what that means yet.

BUT, I trust so deeply that this is the path the Lord has for us. We trust Him. He is working in astounding ways through this situation already. People are crying out to Him and drawing near to Him as they walk this path with us. We’re shaking our heads and laughing that laugh that comes when things are astoundingly absurd in a good way. I am so, so, so grateful that He chose us for this. We’ve been asking God for healing since this began. You’ve been asking God for healing, too. Friends, He is being faithful to answer that request. Keep telling of His goodness and provision in your lives. Tell it to each other. Tell it to us. Tell it to the broken souls beside you. God is healing people through this. He is revealing Himself as the Healer of healers to us and to you, just as we’ve been asking of Him. God be praised, He is on the move!

Informational Goings-On:

-We have a pre-op appointment scheduled for tomorrow at 8:30am, and a Speech Therapist appointment at 1pm.
-We don’t have a surgery time yet, but I will post that when it comes available to us. We’ll be asking for some specific prayer when that time comes as well.
-We’ve secured a room at the Rotary House  until after surgery. This is a huge answer to prayer! The Rotary House is connected to the hospital and makes it so much easier for us to get Jesse care should he need it.

-We’re still praying for miraculous healing that can speak only of the works of His hands. Pray that with us, will you?

15 thoughts on “Carousel Ride

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  1. You and Jessie continue in our prayers! I love to read your journaling and the way you share your heart and hope. You are so very real and you show us how to walk thru difficult circumstances….with faith and total trust. Thank you for being open and letting us walk through this with you.


  2. so glad y’all have a room at the rotary…..VERY well acquainted with that place. ..i stayed there for the 1st 6 mo. I told randy that was where you were when playing the piano…… It is a perfect place to be when in this situation and yes it is a blessing to have been able to get a room so quickly. Looking forward to seeing the healing hand of God and more coming to him thru this time of testimony to HIS greatness!


  3. ashley, as a side note…… can book weeks ahead at a time. That’s what I did whether we would be there for 2 days or not. You can also cancel and they don’t charge you for but what you use. Just wanted you to know this in case you didn’t already. love you


  4. Oh that blessed carousel! We took our precious kids to the zoo for our first family date when we first met them. They were 2 and 3. It was on that carousel on a warm October day that I knew we were a family and although the world was spinning, it wasn’t. God sits on his throne and has the mightiest of provisions for the orphans, the sick, the moms who need way more than coffee and chocolate. We love you. We are joining you in prayer.


  5. Ashley, you amazed me when we were teenagers and you amaze me now as an adult. I am praying daily for you and Jesse continually asking God for His Will to be done. I have shared your story and am reading your updates. Tell Jesse hello for me and to keep smiling! 😘


  6. Ashley thank you for sending the updates. We wait anxiously for each one to hear how the Lord is doing miraculous things for you and Jesse. Your words are so beautiful and ho right to our hearts to help us know how to pray. Please tell Jesse that he is constantly on our mind and in our hearts. We are praying and are agreeing….this is a part of the bigger picture and is all for God’s glory. We love you and want you to know the Lee’s are walking and praying with you….we are proud to be in your family. Love y’all Debra and Eddie


  7. Thank you so much for writing this blog & being transparent, it is refreshing. I don’t know y’all but feel as if I do from reading your entries. Praying for you, my brothers and sisters in Christ! To God be the glory!!


  8. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart along the way. As I am listening to your song it takes me back to my similar path. So grateful to be on the journey with you and to have the priveledge to pray. Trusting with you Gods plan is best. As you prepare and wait for your tomorrow I pray you will continue to trust your God of today who has lead you to the this cross and will now lead you into deeper into relationship with Himself. This road is not traveled by all but is for the priveledged few who are not weak willed or faint at heart. The path is chosen for you and your sweet family. Trusting God with you as your life now moves from a little unordinary 🙂 …. towards the extraordinary life that God has pre-planned. How beautiful it is you have not only accepted this path but embraced God’s plan. To God be the glory .. Great things He has planned!!


  9. Ashley , this is Kelly Oggero . Know that we are praying with our hearts Daily – and sometimes many hours of the day ( and night ) as we bow before King Jesus . We pray for restoration and healing for Jesse . We pray for his strength , his heart , his wisdom , his calm in this storm . We pray for You and the Children that the spirit of Almighty God will continue to manifest in you and through you . I think you know that many , many warriors world wide are “riding this” with you – as “best” we can from a geographic (and emotional) distance . On behalf of Kourtney , WE LOVE YOU and will continue to PRAY , GIVE THANKS and PRAISE HIM for ALL of it .
    Peace .


  10. Ashley and Jesse. Thank you for your gift of the pen and the love in your soul. I have read each post you have shared with all of us. There is never a minute without you both + four and more in our hearts, deep within our souls who are not praying continuously through all of this with you both. Yes, God’s Will to be done, and yes, many to see how wonderful HE is, how HE blesses those who love HIM and obey HIM. Know, we, Roger and I, and many, many more we have sent your request and post onto are praying with you.
    We love, love, love you guys. What a beautiful couple and what a beautiful show of what a marriage is, holding each other together and UP! Thank you for sharing you experiences daily with us all. Your parents Rock!


  11. Ashley, my name’s Ashley too! If only I’d seen this post a few days ago, I would’ve reached out to you! My dad is a patient at the brain and spine center at MD Anderson and we were just there Sept 15th. He had his brain tumor resection there in January 2012 and we’ve been going back every 8 weeks since then. I know the radical life change that’s happened to y’all. My dad’s illness announced itself with a grand mal seizure. And like that, life changed. In the beginning of this, I longed for someone to come alongside me and “show me the ropes” at MD Anderson. I’d love to be that person for you if you feel like you need it. I would be glad to share my experiences and I know some quiet places to go with a garden and can point you towards a real Starbucks. I want you to know, the doctors and surgeons at MD Anderson are PHENOMENAL. He’s in the best possible hands.


  12. Hi Ashley my name is Mandy. It appears we have some mutual friends. Your blog was just sent to me this morning. I am in the very same boat as you. Reading your words puts into perspective what we have been going through since the first week of August. My husband is undergoing radiation treatment at Memorial Hermann daily as well as taking his oral chemo each night. Our neuro-oncologist has a brain tumor support group that he has organized at the hospital. It is the second Wednesday of each month at 6pm. We missed it this month, but I intend to be there next month. I too am trying to figure out how to move forward with our new life with brain cancer – we have two young children that are being super brave for Daddy. My husband sees this as a blessing from God and I completely support where his head is at and we want to find a way to help others with this type of diagnosis. In fact, he is a motivational speaker and has already started writing his next book to help others get through tough challenges like this. If you are interested in speaking to a wife and Mother going through what you are going through right this very second, I’m here. I know it would be nice for me too. Keeping your family in my prayers.


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