A Long Awaited Answer

doorThere was a night, many weeks ago, when Jesse and I left our children in the care of someone else to take an hour long drive to a place which our eyes had never seen, to meet with a group of people we did not know. We located the home where we would be meeting, then drove a little way off to pray without interruption before we knocked on the door that had been placed before us, both figuratively and literally. We asked the Lord for continued clarity and peace and so much grace, then parked nearer our destination and stepped out of our vehicle. It was cold out, which gave me some excuse other than nerves for the tremors which had overtaken my body. We knocked and waited. The door swung open and we found ourselves surrounded by what seemed a sea of smiling faces and outstretched arms. We ate, and then we talked. There were many questions asked and answered, but one has not left me since that night. “Do you have any apprehensions about coming here?” I replied no in the beginning, but, by the end of the questioning, I found that I did, indeed, have one. “Is there anything else anyone has to add?”, they asked. “Actually, I do”, I said. “You asked earlier if I had any apprehensions about this, and as I’ve thought through things, I’ve realized that I do. I have one. I want to go home…”

Jesse has served at Bay Area FBC for six years now. He has filled a variety of job requirements here, and currently holds the position of Pastor of Discipleship and Families. We love this place. The people are lovely and we have seen restoration in our marriage and growth in our family in ways we could not have fathomed several years ago while serving in the midst of them. We have been thoroughly blessed here, but we have also been waiting. This has been our home for many years, and we have given our hearts over to this community. Last year, though, God in His graciousness placed a feeling of unrest in my heart that has caused me to examine, as fully as my finite mind can, my own calling. I stated earlier that I want to go home, and I do. But, I have come to realize that the “home” I long for isn’t a particular state or city, or even family. I have been yearning to go home, but not so much in the physical sense. I have been longing to belong, to be in a place in life where I can use the gifts the Lord has given me in ways that I do not yet even understand. I have been called to Jesse, and Jesse has been called to lead in a specific way. I cannot be at home in my calling until he is in his.

In the interview process before he came to be the student pastor here, he was very honest about his calling. “I am called to be a lead pastor.” I’ve heard him say this numerous times over the past 6 years. It is a calling that has never left him…or me. Which brings us back to that cold night. For months now, the Lord has been working in ways only He can, and He has given an answer to a call He gave Jesse many years ago. Jesse has been offered and has accepted the lead pastorate position at Terra Verde Community Church in the Tomball area. I also stated earlier that we found ourselves standing before a literal and figurative door several weeks ago, and that is the best way I know to describe this. We have been walking, knocking on doors, and stepping through them as the Lord allows. We knocked, the door was answered and opened, and we crossed the threshold of our last door on this journey last Sunday. We now find ourselves looking out at a new task. Our time of waiting has ended. I have been both aching to go “home”, and dreading leaving this one. If ever there was a decision made with conflicting emotions, it is this. Grief is swirled together with joy and anticipation so thoroughly that it is difficult to distinguish one from the other. We grieve for the loss of our community here, but find such joy in our memories and such great anticipation for what the Lord has for us all. God is not surprised by any of this. He knows. He has always known. He will always know exactly what we each need, and He will surely provide. We are grateful. So, so, so grateful for each of you for reasons far too numerous to be listed. We have been blessed beyond measure by you all. We have walked through dark shadows and glistening patches of light together, and you have borne it with such grace. Our lives have been forever shifted by the way you have loved us. Even so, God has called and we must answer. We must gather up our children, our belongings, and the many things we have learned here, and go. You have made these years of waiting so wonderful and full of joy and worth the longing. Though simple words don’t seem adequate, they are what I have. So, thank you. Thank you for loving us so completely. We will never be the same because of the Light we have seen in you.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9