“I’m still here. I’m still here, Ash.”, he whispered over me, broken and weeping wrapped up in his arms, overwhelmed at the thought of what’s to come. Jesse and I have known each other since we were children. I moved to his hometown at 9 years old. We started dating in high school. We’ve been integrated into each other’s lives for so long that my life, my memories, no longer exist apart from him. I cannot describe the depth of sorrow I feel at just the thought of him not being here. It’s like I’m drowning in the open air.
Still, in ways only God can orchestrate, the grieving days are also the rejoicing ones. Some time ago, after losing my Peepaw to pancreatic cancer, I put pencil to paper and I wrote, as I often do. Today, pieces of it have been drifting into my mind, reminding me that God is as faithful to me now as He was then. I’m attaching a link to it for you all. If you’re grieving today, if your soul feels shrouded in darkness and you can’t see through the blurriness of tears, read it. I hope you will find, as I have today, that God is there with you in your grief. And just like my husband, who cradled me in his arms and whispered hope and strength into my shattered heart, God is still here. He is still here.
https://everylittlejot.com/2014/02/14/relentless-timeless-death-defying-love/
Every Little Jot & Tittle 
Ashley, I am praying for you and Jesse. I wish that I had words of wisdom or comfort, but I don’t know what else to say. Unfortunately, what you are going through is all to real for me right now. My mom was diagnosed with cancer last month. We just found out on Monday that it started in her ovaries and has spread to her lungs, liver, and abdomen. Everyday I am grieving for her. It hurts so bad that I feel as though My heart is literally breaking. Cancer is slowly stealing her from me. As I read your posts, it helps to know that I am not the only one who is trying to navigate my way through this new way of “life”.
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I praying for you both. Your grandfather married my husband JC& me. He died 9yrs ago. We were high school sweethearts too. God is in control and he still makes miracles. Love all your family.
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My heart is aching for you both and my prayers for you and your precious family continue. May God’s peace hold you closely when you are “drowning in air”. To Him who is able to do more than we can ask or even thing…..
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Keeping up with you by reading your posts, which are faith builders for all of us….. And thru daughter Shelly and her husband Steve! This delay will be used by Him in ways we don’t know…. But we will wait expectantly! All of us lift you in prayer to the One Who can move mountains!
😘😘 to you both! Granny Lee
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Time… We long for more, yet we can’t wait. In pain, seconds seem eternal yet in joy, they are fleeting. God’s clock remains steady, it does not race, nor does it languish… It marches forward at the cadence set by Him at creation, never missing a single beat. God judges man not by outward appearance, but by his heart. Rest well, knowing your hearts are true and your faith is unwavering. I continue to ask our Lord to give both of you the Peace, Tranquility and Strength that only He can provide. He is indeed our Shepherd and loves us beyond our ability to comprehend. Green pastures and still waters await us. He will never fail us. We love you both dearly.
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