Once Again

I’ve been struggling for several days on what to put out into the world. Not because I don’t want people to know what’s going on, but because I am so acutely exhausted that I’m struggling to find words of any meaning. Sick kids, sick self, always sick husband…there are no adequate words for defining the kind of fatigue that comes with caring for someone you love with a chronic illness. That having been stated, I won’t spend much time dawdling this evening, as I can’t find or force words anyway. . .

Jesse is having another brain surgery tomorrow. We believe we are first in line, but won’t have confirmation until a bit later tonight. This one won’t be as long as the first, but will still consume most of the day. It is also not as invasive, meaning the doctor will make a hole and go in from it rather than open him up completely again. The goal in this surgery is to heat portions of the tumor, killing it, but leaving it in the brain. The hope is that the dead tumor in the brain will act as a natural vaccine and begin to teach Jesse’s immune system to attack the bad tissue and protect the good. No one can give us definitive answers on what will and will not happen as a result of this procedure. It is yet another unknown in a vast sea of them in our lives. BUT. But I am (we are) so comforted by the knowledge that our hope for Jesse’s health and healing is not contingent on the works of the hands of man. It is God who designed Jesse’s brain, and God who understands it completely. It is God who has walked us carefully and intentionally down this path so far, and it is God who will be walking alongside us tomorrow. He knows exactly what the outcome of this will be. We are holding fast to Him, continuing to pray big prayers for the kind of miraculous healing that tells the weary souls around us that Jesus is the Relief and Hope for which they long, begging the Lord to reveal Himself to us in this as only He can. . .and waiting once again. God has faithfully sustained us through the many weeks of this trial, and He will not hesitate to do the same as we sleep tonight or rise up early in the morning for Jesse’s procedure.

Pray with us, friends?

-Pray for the doctor and the surgical team to have an even better day today than they did on September 25 for Jesse’s first surgery.

-Ask the Lord to guide the surgeon’s hands, and to give him the ability to understand completely which parts of the tumor to burn and which to avoid.

-Pray for Jesse to remain stable and seizure free tonight and for the duration of the procedure, for his body to withstand another surgery well, and for his recovery to be fast and uneventful.

-Ask, also, that God preserve Jesse’s speech and comprehension. This is, by far, the most unnerving part of the surgery for us. We know the Lord has such purpose in all of this, and we are expectantly awaiting the day when Jesse will regain his ability to preach so that he can share the story of God’s provision in his own words. And it is such a story, you guys!

-Pray for our children to have deep and abiding peace while we are away yet again in such a short window of time. They are well tended by family who loves them, which helps their little hearts tremendously in this. It is still difficult for them to know their daddy is having another surgery, though.

-Finally, know we continue to pray over you all. We’re asking God to use you and your stories to proclaim His glory and further His kingdom in amazing ways. Tell the people He places in your paths about His goodness and grace in your life. You won’t regret it.

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! 

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! 

Psalms 27:13-14″

16 thoughts on “Once Again

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  1. Praying for your precious family and for the entire medical team! Also praying for those that the Lord will place in your path during this trial that desperately need the Hope that you have!


  2. May the Lord Bless you as you rest in your faith when words will not come and God carries you all through this. ( the chairs look familiar, been in those waiting areas. ) I pray all those specific things you have requested.


  3. Joe & I continue to “pray without ceasing” for all of you….and especially for Jesse’s healing! May God be glorified thru it all. May you have strength you need! May your children feel God’s presence in their lives and know that He will take care of their daddy & them. May you rest in our Lord’s peace and love. We love you.


  4. You and Jesse were strongly on my heart this morning as I was praying. God is using you SO mightily. I pray for you and your sweet family. Your lives are an open book to point hearts to God. Thank you for bing so willing to share. Love you guy so much.


  5. Hope is the capacity to remain cheerful/balanced/useful when you know the situation is desperate. It’s the phrase of every caregiver, every mom, out there. And look at you. Exhausted, but hopeful. Scared, but hopeful. Weary, but hopeful. Sad, but hopeful. This blog alone has 1,000 shares at the time I am commenting. God is healing others, your family, your Jesse, your heart through your hope. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of and pray for you guys. We’ve spent 8 of our 8.5 years caregiving for our parents. I was not sure which was harder the caregiving or the infertility and miscarriage. So many days I begged God to take it away from me. But instead He told me no, this caregiving is my mission and when I am weak, he is strong. When I can’t, he can. Gennie Westbrook found some great books on caregiving at our old church that got me through. Books your precious Ashley picked out for the counseling ministry there. I wish I still had them to share with you. Know this. He is using you as a vessel to do great things. I know how hard it is when you feel helpless and unable to soothe and unable to plan, and my heart aches for you. You remain in the prayers of me, David, and our four and five year old precious babies too. We love you and your precious family.


  6. God, you are Jehovah Rapha. Put a hedge of protection around Jesse so the enemy is thwarted! That he may be stable through the surgery. That You place your Holy hands on the surgeons hands and the hands of any assistants and all those who care for him.
    Holy Spirit, lift up Ashley, Jesse’s steadfast bride. Give her renewed energy, satisfy her need for rest, You are rest. Heal her body from all of the fatigue over the past many weeks. Renew her mind that she may have peace and and clear-thinking. Fill her tank to overflowing.
    For their precious kids, fill their head and hearts with understand and knowledge that’s “just right” for each one of them. Lift them up as they are away from mom and dad. Give their caregivers the knowledge of just what the kiddos need.
    Provide healing for all the members of the family…comfort, peace, uplift. And Lord, may you continue to be glorified.


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