Once Again

I’ve been struggling for several days on what to put out into the world. Not because I don’t want people to know what’s going on, but because I am so acutely exhausted that I’m struggling to find words of any meaning. Sick kids, sick self, always sick husband…there are no adequate words for defining the kind of fatigue that comes with caring for someone you love with a chronic illness. That having been stated, I won’t spend much time dawdling this evening, as I can’t find or force words anyway. . .

Jesse is having another brain surgery tomorrow. We believe we are first in line, but won’t have confirmation until a bit later tonight. This one won’t be as long as the first, but will still consume most of the day. It is also not as invasive, meaning the doctor will make a hole and go in from it rather than open him up completely again. The goal in this surgery is to heat portions of the tumor, killing it, but leaving it in the brain. The hope is that the dead tumor in the brain will act as a natural vaccine and begin to teach Jesse’s immune system to attack the bad tissue and protect the good. No one can give us definitive answers on what will and will not happen as a result of this procedure. It is yet another unknown in a vast sea of them in our lives. BUT. But I am (we are) so comforted by the knowledge that our hope for Jesse’s health and healing is not contingent on the works of the hands of man. It is God who designed Jesse’s brain, and God who understands it completely. It is God who has walked us carefully and intentionally down this path so far, and it is God who will be walking alongside us tomorrow. He knows exactly what the outcome of this will be. We are holding fast to Him, continuing to pray big prayers for the kind of miraculous healing that tells the weary souls around us that Jesus is the Relief and Hope for which they long, begging the Lord to reveal Himself to us in this as only He can. . .and waiting once again. God has faithfully sustained us through the many weeks of this trial, and He will not hesitate to do the same as we sleep tonight or rise up early in the morning for Jesse’s procedure.

Pray with us, friends?

-Pray for the doctor and the surgical team to have an even better day today than they did on September 25 for Jesse’s first surgery.

-Ask the Lord to guide the surgeon’s hands, and to give him the ability to understand completely which parts of the tumor to burn and which to avoid.

-Pray for Jesse to remain stable and seizure free tonight and for the duration of the procedure, for his body to withstand another surgery well, and for his recovery to be fast and uneventful.

-Ask, also, that God preserve Jesse’s speech and comprehension. This is, by far, the most unnerving part of the surgery for us. We know the Lord has such purpose in all of this, and we are expectantly awaiting the day when Jesse will regain his ability to preach so that he can share the story of God’s provision in his own words. And it is such a story, you guys!

-Pray for our children to have deep and abiding peace while we are away yet again in such a short window of time. They are well tended by family who loves them, which helps their little hearts tremendously in this. It is still difficult for them to know their daddy is having another surgery, though.

-Finally, know we continue to pray over you all. We’re asking God to use you and your stories to proclaim His glory and further His kingdom in amazing ways. Tell the people He places in your paths about His goodness and grace in your life. You won’t regret it.

“I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! 

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! 

Psalms 27:13-14″